Tehya and the Ducks

My daughter will turn four on January 13th 2009. Sometimes she seems much more “grown-up” than she actually is. She uses vocabulary that a ten year old uses. She is witty, and she puts puzzles together in no time. Then there are moments when I am reminded of her innocence, and a child’s view of the world.

I have been struggling with guilt, over not being able to spend the time with my children and family that I would like too.

When I am not living with “presence” I am angry and resentful for not having what I think I deserve right now.

It comes and goes, because I know in my heart I am right where God intends me to be at this moment.

If I live in this “present moment,” I am constantly reminded why I am here.

To that end, let me tell you about Tehya and the Duck.

Today I picked Tehya up from Shanna’s acupuncturist/cranio-sacral therapist’s office. I gave Tehya the choice to go take a walk around Tumwater Fall’s Park, or go play on the toys next to the falls.

I really wanted to go for a walk around the falls because it is a very peaceful place. It is a very good place to meditate. It just happens that for the past three days, every time I have attempted to take some time and meditate, something has happened to disrupt that process. Yesterday it was a call from work on my day off. Last night it was Tehya kicking me in the back in bed. Tehya really wanted to go to play on the toys So I let Tehya lead me, and off we went.

We did the usual things. She made me watch her go back and for across the monkey bars. She is an amazing climber and athlete. Her lack of fear reminds me of myself and Beau.

She suggested we go down to the Deschutes River to see the ducks. We walked down to the rivers edge and saw four male ducks hanging out together. They swam toward us in anticipation of food I think.

We sat there for awhile talking to them. Tehya had all four named within two minutes. Intuition told me to go get them food. My first thought was how I didn’t want to drive anywhere because I thought it would disrupt my time with her. I listened to my intuition instead.

We ran back to the car and headed up to Safeway to get some bagels and rolls for the ducks.

By the time we got back, all but one female were gone. I tore a piece off my bagel and tossed it toward her. She grabbed it and shook it underwater to soften it up. Then lifted up her head and beak, swallowed the biggest piece. Tehya started giggling loudly, kind of like an adult “belly laugh.”

Within two minutes there were twenty or more ducks hanging out with us. The look on her face, and the brightness in her eyes amazed me. One duck in particular, stayed within one foot of her left side during the entire time we fed them

I held a piece of roll by the tip of my finger so a duck could grab it. One fearless male reached out and grabbed it. Tehya’s laughter over seeing this was a laughter I have never heard from her. I sensed wonder and bliss within her. Tehya was experiencing pure joy over something she had never experienced before, and it was magical too her.

She asked me if she could do it. I spent a minute explaining how to hold the bread. She held a piece out and the same male snatched it and the ducks beak grabbed onto the tip of her finger. She giggled at that too, but decided she didn’t want to feed them by hand anymore. Each time I did it, she giggled, and I felt more in spirit than I have in days.

We spent the better part of 20 minutes feeding the ducks. That 20 minute piece in time is one of the more beautiful in recent memory.

I was reminded that although that moment with my daughter was small in time, it was huge in content
The coolest part of it all is I was led by her. I got out of the way and put her interest first, over what I thought I needed and was amazed at the results.